I'll address #3 here. I don't think VirtualBox+FreeBSD+ZFS is the best solution for what you're proposing (based on your usage of "mission critical" and "busy").
What do you hope to accomplish by using ZFS? It's a great filesystem and I'm definitely an advocate, but what value does it add in this case? Snapshots? Checksumming? (personally, it took me several attempts and a lot of research before I began hosting critical applications on ZFS).
I understand that you're new to ZFS, but how's your experience with FreeBSD and VirtualBox?
Would there be any problem with running a single instance of the mail software and hosting multiple domains within, or do you need the complete isolation afforded by virtualization?
If you do choose to use ZFS, you don't want the traditional Perc RAID controllers, but should specify something that passes the RAW SAS drives to the operating system. See: ZFS SAS/SATA controller recommendationsZFS SAS/SATA controller recommendations (BTW - your drives would still be hot-swappable.)