Searching for Smiles

On a day when I just wasn't feeling humorous.

I was beside myself the other day, even though I was the only one sitting in the chair. I couldn’t think of anything funny to write. Nothing made me laugh. I even tried a few knock-knock jokes, but apparently nobody was home. So I figured I’d have a little fun with some one-liners—but I overthought it and ended up writing an essay instead. Then I thought maybe a riddle might be the key… until I got stuck on “What’s black and white and blue?” Turns out, it was a sad zebra. Which, frankly, didn’t cheer me up either.

It was time to give a tongue twister a shot, and I was up for the challenge. The phrase was long and tough to say, but I gave it a try: “If a dog chews shoes, whose shoes does she choose?” That made me think of the pile of shoes on my bedroom floor. I sat there, worried the phrase might come true and my dogs would destroy my new shoes. Which certainly didn’t bring a smile to my face.

“I just couldn’t think of anything funny to write about.”

To relieve my worries and frustration, I gave myself another chance and recited, “I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream.” Until the neighbor came over, wondering what was wrong—and I remembered I was trying to cut down on sweets.

So I took a break from writing and spent some time browsing the internet to recharge my creative spirit. I came across a contest that made me smile, so I decided to give it a try. Even though I was having trouble coming up with something funny on this particular afternoon, I consider myself good at wordplay. I entered ten puns into a contest to see which one would win…
No pun in ten did.

www.wintersetmadisonian.com

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https://iowawriters.substack.com/i/145661110/who-we-are

Crunch Time, Chasing the Core Dream

I’m hoping to find a routine that really works.

I’ve been doing my best to get back into shape and have been going to the local gym regularly to work out. Stepping onto the treadmill to walk a few miles, running on air via the elliptical machine, and lifting weights have helped me feel stronger. But now, I’ve set my sights on something more defined: those elusive six-pack abs. So I started researching ways to strengthen my core, you know, that part of the body where your belly tends to stick out. I’m hoping to find a routine that really works.

Free weights (photo courtesy of Unsplash

I discovered that the fastest way to build core strength was by focusing on exercises such as planks, leg raises, and bar leg raises. At first, I was skeptical—how could holding a plank, essentially pretending to be a long, flat piece of wood, actually help? But I gave it a try and held the position so well that two people mistook me for part of the flooring and stepped over me to reach the free weights. I skipped the traditional leg raises and went straight to the bar version, which felt easier—until I had one too many drinks and fell off the stool. Guess it wasn’t that kind of bar.

Further investigation revealed that I could enhance my core workout by incorporating other exercises, such as hollow body rocks, bird dogs, dead bugs, and mountain climbers. That’s when I began to understand why not everyone ends up with a tight core. First of all, gym owners would never allow actual rocks inside, too risky for the flooring, so hollow body rocks were out. Then there’s the bird dog. Why would I bring a dog to the gym? That’s definitely against the rules, and if I did, it would probably spend the whole time barking at the mountain climbers I brought along for moral support, so much for a peaceful workout.

Still, I can see how grabbing all those dead bugs could help tone my core - I'd be bending over constantly, which has to be worth something!

Under the Friday Night Lights

Laughter does not have to come from a major source. It could be ... relatively minor.

The weekend is here, it’s time for the game.
Fans in bright colors, all shouting one name.
They cheer from the stands, their spirits upbeat,
Hoping their team won’t taste defeat.

Players take the field, eleven on each side,
Offense and defense, both ready to collide.
The quarterback takes the snap with control,
Steps back, firm grip, eyes on the goal.

The crowd holds its breath; the moment is rare,
As the receiver offers up a silent prayer.
Charging past the fifty-yard line with force,
Hoping the ball will stay on its intended course.

Hands outstretched to make a fair catch,
A defender dives in, quick to unlatch.
The ball from his arms, the fans start to rumble,
Deeply dismayed to witness the fumble.

As the ball rolled loose on the ground,
Other players suddenly gathered around.
Each one grabbing for the oblong prize
Soon led to an enormous pile of guys.

Just then, the ref threw a flag in the air,
Adjusted his cap and smoothed back his hair.
This on-field chaos could not be ignored.
Thinking the whole incident must be explored

Meanwhile, the ball popped loose from the pile,
And bounced past the goal line in winning style.
But no one could say who’d made the score,
And that’s how the ball bounces, nothing more!

www.wintersetmadisonian.com

Here is a link to learn more about our writers.

https://iowawriters.substack.com/i/145661110/who-we-are

From Fairs to Football

Laughter does not have to come from a major source. It could be ... relatively minor.

Summer was filled with the excitement of county fairs, culminating in the Iowa State Fair, where 4-Hers and FFA members showcased their hard work in the dirt-filled rings, proudly displaying their beef, sheep, swine, goats, bottle calves, horses, chickens, and even dogs. They all hoped to earn the coveted blue ribbons or take home the title of best of show after a year of dedication.

Now that school is back in session, the competition moves off the farm and onto the football field , a rectangular paradise measuring 360 feet long and 160 feet wide, totaling 1.32 acres of green glory. Here, blue ribbons and trophies are replaced with touchdowns and field goals, and livestock is swapped out for players, though the spirit of the fair lives on.

The Pigskin

In the trenches, the front lines are a battleground of muscle, reminiscent of those beefy show steers, as players strive to hold their ground. One wrong move, and it could turn into a sheep show if too many “baa-d” plays are called, or if the referees throw the yellow flag for a “fowl” infraction! And just like the gentle bottle calves, some innocent young players need protection from the BIG DOGS on the opposing team as they navigate the field.

As the pigskin, our beloved football, soars through the air, quarterbacks channel their inner champions, all eager to claim the title of G.O.A.T. (Greatest Of All Time), hoping their team emerges victorious.

On the sidelines, the cheerleaders energetically wave their colorful pom-poms, igniting excitement in the air. Fans cheer for their team, savoring delicious hamburgers loaded with an array of condiments, while others enjoy their juicy, foot-long hot dogs. The atmosphere is a feast for the senses, filled with the sizzling sounds of the grill and the joyous shouts of supporters reveling in the moment!

www.wintersetmadisonian.com

Here is a link to learn more about our writers.

https://iowawriters.substack.com/i/145661110/who-we-are

Life Used to Be So Sweet

Laughter does not have to come from a major source. It could be ... relatively minor.

I was living life like a kid in a candy store, reveling in the sweetness of indulgence, until my doctor dropped a bombshell. Forcing me to say goodbye to anything that resembles “sugar.” How on earth am I going to survive without my beloved nightly pint of chocolate and vanilla twist? I can still picture my spoon gliding effortlessly around the edges, each scoop transforming into a moment of pure joy. But now? I find myself reaching for a fork to tackle a sad mound of green spinach that looks like something the lawnmower spit out.

“I will miss my chocolate and vanilla twist.”

I will genuinely miss my afternoons with the Three Musketeers, nicely wrapped in silver. I looked forward to the chocolate-covered, fluffy, whipped nougat, as we unwrapped some pretty sweet memories.

Never again will I be able to have my cake and eat it too or enjoy my slice of the American pie. M&Ms will no longer be part of my diet, and I will have to Rolo with healthier options instead of indulging in the little chocolate and caramel candies I used to love. I can’t even take a break with a Kit Kat, and I will probably never see another Milky Way. Cuddling a Baby Ruth is no longer an option, and I find I am just not myself without a Snickers.

However, I find bananas appealing and try to eat an apple a day to keep the doctor away.

These days, I am stuck with everything on a stick: celery sticks, carrot sticks, cheese sticks. It’s like I signed up for a diet-themed cooking show, but they forgot the flavor, and my taste buds are in a witness protection program, hiding from anything sweet.

I guess it’s time to embrace my inner rabbit, though I’d trade a carrot for a cupcake any day!

www.wintersetmadisonian.com

Here is a link to learn more about our writers.

https://iowawriters.substack.com/i/145661110/who-we-are