I  have had my encounters with the police in the United States. All related to traffic violations. Most were very polite officers doing their job. I also have several friends who are police officers who I consider to be great people. People who I would trust my kids with and my life with.

Police are people and deserve our support and our respect. However, there needs to be accountability. There are a disproportionate number of stories about police brutality towards black people (not towards people of color … towards black people) where officers are not held accountable for terrible things. Unfortunately, it has become an accepted part of our culture. Black parents needs to raise their black children to “deal” with it. It has become viewed as something we can’t fix. I have decided it is time for me as an American to dedicate some of my time to making things better. I will answer the call of Swin Cash and so many others. I want to do my part to help fix things. It should be obvious what has been so visible recently i.e. the George Floyd incident that we all need to work together to make it better for black people. For those of you who are not convinced about the issues with police injustice and brutality towards black people, I am sharing this story in hopes that it becomes more personal for all of us. Also, for those of you who remain unconvinced, to let you know there is a problem and we have work to do.

I am a white male who grew up in upstate New York in a small town outside Albany named Burnt Hills New York. There were less than 5 black people in my high school. I met some black kids at a summer camp I went to. My freshman year of college I went to Taylor University in Indiana. At the time, this school probably had fewer black people than my high school. Through a god provided miracle, my father left industry to become a professor at Boston University.  I followed as a student.

In Boston, via the school I went to and the Church I went to, I had the opportunity to get to know many more black people. I didn’t think much of it. They were black I was white we went to school together, lived in the dorms together and in many cases went to church together.

So now on to my story ….

One of my black friends was a graduate student working with my father. A very smart kid with a degree from MIT in Chemical Engineering. He like many others was investing in becoming part of the Computer Science wave that was sweeping the job market in the early 80s. I am leaving his name out this article.

At times, I would seek his help in a class we were in together. He always knew the answer. My father was a PhD from MIT. Ranked as the top performer at an esteemed research lab at General Electric many years in a row. I have never heard him rave about how smart somebody is as much as I heard him rave about this young man. I confess I didn’t know this young man very well. However, my father did know him well and I completely trust my father’s judge of character. My father traveled with him on several occasions and they worked together regularly.

One morning my father said he had to go a jail. He told me the man I am writing about  was arrested for assaulting a police officer. This man might have weighed 135 pounds on a good day. He had the build of a computer scientist. He had glasses as thick as coke bottles. I knew him to be very timid. The thought of him assaulting a police officer seemed humorous. However, he had the skin of a black man.

Here is what I am told happened:

-My friend and his wife were driving through Brookline MA when a police car started to follow them.

-To avoid a confrontation, he pulled over to get pizza. The police officers pulled over to get pizza.

-They left the pizza place. The police officers left the pizza place.

-The Brookline police pulled them over for a traffic violation.

-The Bookline police made them get out of the car. They put their hands on my friend. My friend put his hands up to stop them from pushing him.

The rest I know to be fact:

-The Brookline police arrested him for assaulting a police officer.

-The Brookline police beat him up.

-The Brookline police took him to jail.

-The Brookline police did a video taped strip search.

-My father got him out of jail.

-The Brookline police kept driving by his house.

-My friend was tried and acquitted. My father was a character reference at his trial. My father reports the judge was fair.

My friend left school, aborted his degree program and pursued a law suit against the officer and the Brookline police. He felt he was being intimidated by the police and they kept driving by the place he lived. At times parked outside it.

My conclusion:

My friend had to abort his PhD program and had to leave Boston and suffer a scar for the rest of his life because of some racist cops in Brookline and a police force that chose to intimidate him.

Upon reflection, I am embarrassed and ashamed I didn’t do more at the time or even since. What was I going to do, take on the police? Nope, I just said to myself “that is the way it is and I can’t do anything about it.”

We must do better. We need to support the police as much as we can. However, they need to be held to higher standard and be accountable for episodes like this.

I pledge to do my part. We need accountable policing and black people need our help. I will write another blog about what I plan to do specifically once the plan is formed.

So what will I do first:

I have thought about this and done a little research. I think the first thing we can do is have laws that require body cameras with sound and for officers to be required to have them on when engaging with the public in any potential confrontation. I will be contacting my state and federal representatives on this matter. I encourage you to do the same.

On Sunday July 8th 2018 I heard Sermon that I hope will have a significant impact on my life. It was at Free Christian Church in Andover MA.

The pastor who the sermon was Javier Roche. It is entitled “Thirst”. It was part of the worship series Free Christian has been doing about worship. The text for the sermon is Psalm 42. Javier message is that you add this song to your play list.

The Psalm starts out as the “Deer pants for Water, so my soul longs for you..”.  The song is written by King David. What I find amazing about the Psalm is it’s context.

Let me set the stage for you by paraphrasing the story from 2 Samuel 11 – 17:

-King David, who God declared to be a man after my own heart has committed one of the most evil acts of the Old Testament. He had 100’s wives and many concubines. However, he chose to use his power as king to seduce and sleep with another man’s wife. The man, Uriah the Hittite, is a faithful soldier committed to King David and the God of Israel. When he fails to deceive Uriah, who refuses to sleep with his wife while others are at battle for the lord his God,  David has Uriah killed in an ugly plot. He then marries Uriah’s widow adding her to his list of wives and continues on with the life of a King.

-Not long David commits these sins, the prophet Nathan appears to David. Nathan tells David about a horrible story where a rich man steals a poor man’s lamb that the poor man loved and cherished. The lamb played with the poor man’s children and at times slept with the poor man. The rich man served the poor man’s lamb at a feast for his friends rather sacrificing one of his own lambs. David, upon hearing the story insist that the rich man must die. Nathan then replies…”you are the man”.

-Nathan says God has taken away your sin but you will be punished: Your child will die, the sword will never depart from your house and members of your house will betray you.

-David’s son Absalom does in fact rise up against David. Absalom chases David out of the kingdom and sleep’s with David’s concubines in front of the entire Kingdom. Absalom then pursue’s David for the purpose of killing David and members of his household.

It is believed that during this time, that David writes Psalm 42.

Here is the message I take from all of this:

At a time where David was loaded with guilt and was about to lose everything: His family, his Wealth, his Dignity and his Life..

David writes:

”As the Deer Pants for Water so my soul pants for you my God…”

David in all his guilt for what he had done and in all his miserable circumstances wanted to worship God.

I frequently go through periods of guilt and stress. I am blessed with a guilty conscience and ability to worry.

David in this particular time of guilt and stress all David wanted to do was worship God. Looking at David, the only man who God refers to as “A man after my own heart”, worship was just part of who he was.

There have been so many specific examples of how David lived a life of worship.

-He wrote much of the book of Psalms

-He danced before the Lord.

However, the verse that caught my attention more so than any other was this verse with respect to David life of worship was this:

2^nd Samuel 12:20

“Then David got up from the floor, washed himself, put lotions on, and changed his clothes. Then he went into the Lord’s house to worship. After that, he went home and asked for something to eat. His servants gave him some food, and he ate.”

What makes this verse amazing is this verse follows the death of his son. This horrible thing had happened that he was due to his sin, he in turn responds by worshiping God!!!

David’s response to dealing with stress and guilt was to worship God!! Javier’s point was that David had to go to the temple to worship. We can worship all the time. I am going train my response to guilt and fear to be to worship and work harder at having worship penetrate my life. I hope to get to a constant state of worship:

Perhaps, I like David can be  “A man after God’s own heart”.

I have reached a point in my life where I have a little time. I will be 52 this year. My two sons are away at school.

I don’t need to travel as much as I did at one time in my career. However, what pounds through my head is….if I have a little time left over what should I be doing with it?

I take this from Matthew 6:19-21

 “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy,and where thieves break in and steal. ²⁰ But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven,where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.²¹ For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

Oh lord, please help me understand how I can serve you and store up treasure in heaven with my time that remains on earth. With the departure of my dad, and several of my friends, It has been reinforced to me  that our time to serve you here on earth is so l just pray and beg that you will show me how I can serve you with the gifts you have given me.

Ten years ago I stopped reading the bible. I had read it cover to cover, studied it academically attended regular bible studies and went to church regularly for almost 30 years. What could I have possibly missed?

This week I began reading it again. Something, I had never put together before became very obvious to me after reading the first two chapters of Daniel. There is a direct correlation between righteousness and effective powerful prayer.

The early chapters in the book are set in the ancient city of Babylon during the rule of King Nebuchadnezzar. Babylon was the most beautiful city the world had ever known. King Nebuchadnezzar was the richest and most powerful king on earth.

The Babylonians under Nebuchadnezzar’s rule, sacked Jerusalem and carried off many treasures from the glorious temple King Solomon built for the Lord his God many years earlier. The Babylonians also brought back many Judeans to live as slaves in Babylon.

From the group of Jewish captives living Babylon was a man named Daniel. Daniel was selected as one of a group of men who met the following characteristics: young, handsome and smart. These men were to be trained for three years. After their training they would enter the palace as brilliant servants for the King. These select Judeans were to be fed the finest food and kept physically fit before for the day they entered into Nebuchadnezzar service.

Daniel and his friends refused to defile themselves by eating the Babylonian food. Instead, they eat vegetables and water. Consider the temptation Daniel and his friends faced daily to eat most delicious food known to man.

A year after Daniel and his friends begin their life in training, Nebuchadnezzar is haunted by a vivid dream. He demands that his magicians and sorcerers first tell him the dream and then tell him the meaning of the dream. Should they fail to either tell him his dream or interpret it properly they will be put to death. None of the magicians or sorcerers are up for the task and prepare to die with all the colleagues in the great Kingdom of Babylon.

Daniel learns of the decree to kill all wise men, sorcerers and magicians, which now include Daniel and his friends and does the following things:

1) He asks his friends to pray.
2) He prays.
3) Upon God revealing Nebuchadnezzar dream to Daniel praises and thanks God.
4) When he tells Nebuchadnezzar the dream and it’s meaning he gives glory to God.

While the above are all important steps in a faithful walk with God,  there is something Daniel and his friends did long before Nebuchadnezzar had his dream. They lived holy and righteous lives.

It has been my experience that God listens to the prayers of a righteous man. Not only is it my experience it is written in the book of James.

From James 5:16.

“The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.”

Note it does not say that the prayers of righteous man are always answered with a “yes”. It does however say the prayers are powerful and effective.

At times, I have debated with friends on what sin do to a christian who is forgiven for all his sins past, present and future. The bible teaches us that they remain clean and blameless before God. However, for the Christian who continues to fall to pornography, lives in adultery or steals is there penalty?

It is my belief that a man who continually tries to do what is right before God yet continually stumbles and has accepted Jesus as his savior will not be judged by God. He instead will receive eternal salvation.

So does a continual pattern of sin cost a forgiven person anything? Yes, it costs us an effective prayer life. To go back to the statement in James:

“The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.”

What can we conclude about the prayers of an unrighteous person?

This is a difficult topic and as far as I know the Bible never explicitly explains it. There are many examples of God answering the favorably the prayers unrighteous men. There are also times when God does not grant the desires of expressed through prayer of righteous men. Jesus says in Mathew 26:39

“Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.”

We know the cup was not taken from Jesus.

Also, the from the book of Job, while we never hear Job ask for his deliverance from his afflictions we can assume that he did in fact pray to God for such a deliverance.

The bible is also full stories of righteous men being delivered in miraculous ways through prayer. To site some examples:

-King David when facing Goliath
-Daniel in the Lions Den
-Jesus when healing the blind
-Elijah calling down fire from the sky before the prophets of Baal
-The apostle Paul healing the sick and driving out demons.

With the exception of Jesus, these men were not perfect. However, they all strived to live sinless lives. Their reward is a continual commune with God. Not only was it that God would answer their prayers, God’s presence dwelled within him. Christian growth is about dying to sin (one’s self) and allowing your relationship with God to grow as he lives within you, reveals things to you and prayers become powerful and effective.

Like Daniel, when I am in need of God’s help, there are a group of people I go to ask for prayer. These are people who I know are righteous before God. Their prayer are powerful and effective.

I will continue to try to be a righteous man and I will pray to fail less and less. In my striving to become more righteous I pray the presence of God becomes stronger within me  and as a result my prayers become powerful and effective.

Daniel demonstrating righteousness followed by his incredible answer to prayer are placed together for reason. The author of the book is drawing us to reach the right conclusions in our lives.

What follows is the text of the remembrance I gave at my father’s memorial service. It was so great to have the opportunity to tell people how strongly I felt about my father.

My father Thomas Gardiner Kincaid was born on September 18th, 1937 and he passed away on January 18th 2015. He often told my mother how blessed they were. They were in fact blessed. One of the greatest honors my life will be to share with you how he blessed my life and the life of so many others.

His father, my grandfather, had built a successful and growing company with a great future. My father had the opportunity to take over this business and have an easy and predictable path to wealth. However, God had given him a passion for science, engineering and teaching. As King Solomon says in the book of Proverbs, and as my father would say when addressing, family, students and faculty: “It is the glory of God to conceal a matter; to search out a matter is the glory of kings.”

My father became a scientist and a professor. I loved to hear about what my dad during the time he departed from us to be a scientist. The Navy sought his help to develop systems for finding Soviet submarines,  aircraft companies hiring him to find defects in turbine blades and many other wonderful stories I would work so hard to pry out of him when he returned from work. I would then embellish these stories, telling  how my dad was responsible for keeping the Russians off our shores and putting men the moon. As I became older I realized something extremely special about my dad. While I loved to tell people about my dad,  he really had no interest in sharing his great accomplishments. He was the most humble man I ever knew.

In the moments where my father escaped from his long hours in the world of science and engineering, where he came out to teach us,  is one of the ways I and so many others will always be blessed by. My father was a professor at Boston University. It was an incredible gift to me, that as a result of this, my family was able to move to Boston from upstate New York and I along with my brother and sister were able to attend school there.

During my final year at BU, I lived at home with my parents and commuted to and from school with my father. At 21 years old, I was able to spend 30-40 minutes a day talking about anything I wanted with my friend, my mentor,  my hero …. my father. In all sincerity, the greatest teacher I have ever known and in my humble opinion one of the greatest teachers the world has ever known.  So back to being blessed, one of the things we would do on our 40 minute visits was memorize scripture.

The first scripture I remember memorizing with my father was Psalm 1.  This Psalm begins as follows:

1 Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful.

2 But his delight is in the law of the Lord; and in his law doth he meditate day and night.

In addition to the company of my mother, Betsy Kincaid, my dad’s true delight was in fact in the law of the Lord. He kept a journal where he would write down scripture and go over it and over it trying ensure that he found it’s purest and truest meaning so he could understand it and help others understand.  I remember him being upstairs for hours at his desk reading the bible and cross checking things in his concordance. Searching….searching…. understanding and then ultimately teaching. Sharing, the great mysteries that God had revealed  with the family, members of his bible study and Sunday School classes. He was given great gifts from the Lord God for which he used to serve the Lord God over many years. None greater than this his incredible ability in teaching others. With this backdrop I would like to share with you some of my greatest memories about my dad.

One of my earliest memories of him is when I was in 2nd grade. I shouldn’t have been in 2nd grade, because I didn’t know the alphabet and I couldn’t spell my last name. I was suffering from dyslexia and several other diagnosed learning disabilities. After unsuccessful attempts with special education specialist my father decided he was going to work directly with me. It was a marvelous time. He could make all things perfect and clear. I learned the alphabet, I learned about all sorts of sciences, politics, world history and mathematics. Things that were my great struggle were now my great joy. We were blessed. My father was an incredible secret weapon for me through high school and even a little bit into college. I remember somebody saying to me about Chemistry class, how come you don’t know what is going on all week but right before the test you know everything….and then Ace the test…..Thank you very much Dad.

I also learned  a lot about the lord Jesus Christ not only by what he taught but by how he lived. Nothing speaks more true than the words of a child.

Just as I finished writing the above paragraph, my wife Linda handed me the following from a book my son wrote when he was in 3rd grade roughly 11 years ago. Next to a picture of my father reads:

“This is my grandfather. He tutors me. Before he tutored me, I had a lot of trouble in school and then he tutored me and I did much better”. He is the smartest person I know. He is also one of the nicest. If it were not for him, I would not know what I want to be when I grown up, I know that I want to be an Engineer, I know that I want to go to Boston University.”   “I went to his retirement party and gave him a pocket knife. I met a lot of people he used to work with … but I think he was the smartest”.

My son Tommy, my Uncle John and many others will tell you they remember his endless patience as he taught them so many things.

It wasn’t only teaching via explanation and the traditional teaching methods it was teaching through example. We were in a grocery store  putting cans of soup in the shopping cart and he dropped one. The result was a large dent in the side of the can. My dad picked it up and looked at it. As opposed to putting it back on the shelf he put it in the cart and said “I should pay for the one I dented”. Integrity; doing the right thing when nobody else is watching. A lesson from my father. He was always eager to find ways to serve the lord using his gifts.

When I was in 3rd grade my dad was teaching High Sunday School at East Glenville Church outside Schenectady New York. This was in the 70s when the Vietnam war was raging on. The drug and teenage rebellion culture was alive in our neighborhood. Several streets over from our house lived a 6’ 5” high school student who many in our neighborhood feared and some would say symbolized the problems in our community. The big man on campus who had been through a lot and was likely somebody was being swallowed down the wrong path. My father’s Sunday School students discussed how bad he was in class at one point. As a result of all these things, dad asked him to come to Sunday School and much to the amazement of the entire community he came. I was shocked that we picked him up for many Sunday mornings and took him church. He went to the Sunday School class my dad taught. This took incredible bravery. My father was not a big man, he was a Scientist, an Engineer who loved time alone and learning, not a person who by nature worked the room at a party (all though he could) or the person the people in the room gravitated towards. However, it was his delight in the law of the lord, that led him to invite this young man who he saw the same way  he saw the rest of us, as a child of God. Like King David approaching Goliath, his faith in his God melted away all fear. A lesson in faith from my father. Also, like King David a man after God’s own heart.

I remember hearing about so many professional, academic and scientific accomplishments being bestowed upon him. In earlier versions of this remembrance I share with you I included some of them. However, what I remember most was that I never heard about any of these accomplishments from him. The stories always came from a family member or one of his colleagues years after the fact. A great lesson in humility from my father.

What gave him great joy was not his own accomplishments, it was the success and accomplishments of those he taught and whom he also loved. He blessed so many people via the gifts god gave him and he considered himself blessed to do so.

So to paraphrase another scripture my father and I studied together: He has fought the good fight, he has kept the faith and finished the race, he has now received his crown of righteousness and entered into his eternal rest.

And one more time for my dad, whose life portrayed the passage, from Psalm 1:

1 Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful.

2 But his delight is in the law of the Lord; and in his law doth he meditate day and night.

3 And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper.

For those wishing to make charitable donations in remembrance of Thomas G. Kincaid, please donate to either World Vision or the Michael J. Fox Foundation for Parkinson’s Research.

For people who would like to make donations to World Vision

Please send a check to this address:

World Vision
PO Box 78481
Tacoma Washington, 98481-8481

On the check please include the following code: 105429674

Alternatively, you can make your donation by credit card over the phone by calling the following number:  1-888-511-6548 and providing the following code: 105429674

For the Michael J. Fox foundation:

You can mail donations to:

Michael  J. Fox Foundation for Parkinson’s research
Grand Central Station, P.O. Box 4777
New York, NY 10163-4777

If you send a donation by mail and wish to have the donation made in Tom’s name, please include a note with you check stating you are donating in remembrance of Thomas G. Kincaid. If you wish to have a record of your donation sent to the family, please say so in your note included with the donation. You can use the e-mail address thomasgkincaid.remembrance@gmail.com as a family contact point.

You can donate on line at: https://www.michaeljfox.org/get-involved/donation2.php

-If you want a record of your donation sent to the family you can use the e-mail address thomasgkincaid.remembrance@gmail.com

You can make donations by phone using this number:  1-800-708-7644

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